Alone?

This past weekend I was having a conversation with a mom who is older than me. Her kids are mostly grown and out of the house. So I'd consider her a "generation" ahead of me.  I was telling her how hard this season of life has been for me, how tired I am, and how it gets very lonely. I said that many of my friends are in the same life stage, and they can't help me much. In addition, many of my family members are in hard life stages too, or just seriously busy with real life things. I was basically complaining that I don't have enough help- not blaming anyone around me- but the reality is just that I feel a lot of weight on my shoulders and feel like there aren't many who can help me.

Her response was surprising, and I don't think I quite agree. She said she had been through the same thing. She said she didn't have any help when she was raising kids, and she lived far from her family. But instead of commiserating with me, she said, "I think that's what every mom has to go through. I think it's just our cross to bear and something we have to deal with."

I didn't know what to say. On one hand, she's right. My kids are my job. I am not looking to pawn that off on someone else. I love taking care of them and spending time with them. But on the other hand- it is really hard. Wrangling a toddler, entertaining a preschooler, cooking, cleaning, organizing, trying to have a real conversation with my husband- not to mention trying to have any kind of outside social contact. Sleep deprived, losing so much weight my skinny jeans now fall off of me, trying to work part-time, filling our days with educational activities and fun...does it have to be so hard?

I got my answer later that day. We returned home from being out of town and had a surprise. My mom had spent 6+ hours at my house while we were gone- cleaning it. She vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed, etc. She had cleaned the filth off my bathroom floor. She organized my kitchen towel drawer.  She even left a crockpot full of vegetable beef stew, so that when we got home with two fussy kids, I wouldn't have to make dinner.

THAT'S what I am talking about. Every now and then, I need someone to pull me out of whatever small pit I am sinking down into. For me, recently it was the crazy mess my house was in. (For those of you who know me, you know I cannot stand clutter and filth- I've had to let go of much of that since having kids, but I still can't stand it). Having a clean house suddenly gave me the energy and enthusiasm for getting up the next day to face my little world. That's the kind of help I need once in awhile.

Some days it just feels hard, some days it really IS hard, and other days it's not so bad. Some people are naturals at this "raising small kids" stuff- I am not. It's hard for me. I tell people who are good at it that it's like if I asked them to suddenly go teach a subject in a high school that they aren't familiar with- like Calculus or French IV. I sometimes feel like I'm in an unfamiliar world with no prior life experience. I need help of all kinds.

So I don't believe we should try and face this life stage alone. I don't believe we should put our heads down and bear our crosses alone. I don't think that's how God intended it. This means three things:

1. We need to ask for help sometimes. Not just hints or complaining. I feel like if I'd asked my mom to clean my house before this, she probably would've said yes.
2. We need to look for ways to rescue each other sometimes. Even with our own full crazy lives, we need to constantly seek ways to help another mom not completely lose it. Even if it's just a phone call or quick text. We need to remind each other that we aren't alone.
3. We need to all look out for each other- maybe we can't be the one to go clean someone else's house, but we need to find those who can do it and ask on behalf of our friends. I am thinking about trying to figure out a way to help connect those who are willing to help with those who need it. I'd love ideas here...

So I think I can say that I totally disagree with what that other person said to me. I don't think we need to just deal with it. I think we need help and need to help each other. I know I'm still going to be the one up with my baby in the night, but a crockpot of soup sure helps me get through that once in awhile.

Your thoughts? post them below...

Katie's Growth Update/ Weaning Update

A little late, but as promised, here is what we found out at Katie's one year well check. She is in the lowest possible percentile, less than 3%. She weighed 16 pounds 5 ounces, which was an increase of about 3 pounds in 3 months. She also grew in her height and head circumference. The doctor asked me try to increase her milk intake during the day to at least 18 ounces and to put either ovaltine or carnation instant breakfast in her milk, both of which I have done.

I was holding on to her last breastfeeding session, which was the middle of the night one. I was afraid that if I cut this out that she would lose out on some much needed fat and calories. I figured if she was still waking for it, she must need it. I was wrong. The doctor told me that she was perfectly capable of sleeping up to 12 hours at night and was most likely just using the night feeding for comfort. I swear, she heard and understood him. For the next two nights, she slept 11 hours straight and skipped the night feeding. Night 3 was a different story. She woke around 3 AM. At first I tried to let her cry it out(CIO). She did, but woke a few minutes later. Then I tried picking her up and rocking her for a bit and laying her back down. She would have none of that. I tried walking around the house with her, which kept her quiet, but I was exhausted. I was fully committed to cutting out her middle of the night feeding, but by 5:30 AM I couldn't take it anymore. I made her a cup of milk and sat down to let her drink it. By this time, everyone else in the house was up too. We put in a movie and put some blankets on the floor to lay down. Katie and I laid on the couch and she finally went back to sleep at 6:30. It was NOT fun, especially when I had to get up a couple hours later and go serve in the nursery at church. Needless to say, I skipped the shower that morning and opted for a little extra sleep.

This has happened two times since then, but most nights she will sleep 11 hours. The first time it happened I tried CIO first, then went straight to the milk. After drinking about 4 ounces, I went through our lay down routine and she went back to sleep for the rest of the night. Last night I let her CIO and she made it through the rest of the night. So, Katie is fully weaned from breastfeeding and if it weren't for the puppy that I talked my husband into getting, I would be sleeping through the night most nights.

As for Katie's growth, her doctor and I are happy with her progress for now and will continue to keep an eye on her. As long as she is eating good and grows proportionally, there really are no real concerns.

Mourning the loss of a friend

Bummer of a title, I know, but that's what I feel like. Last night, Brayden informed us that Guido, his imaginary friend for as long as I can remember, is not real. Here is how our conversation went:

Steph: Get Guido to whistle.

Brayden: Guido isn't real.

Me: What?!?

Brayden: Guido isn't real.

Me: Then what have I been picking up off the ground, giving a bath to, and putting lotion on all this time?

Brayden: Uh, the air.

Ohhh, my heart was broken. Really not for losing Guido, which really could be a pain to play along with sometimes, but for another step in the loss of Brayden's youth. Most of the time this happens in baby steps, like preferring Batman to Elmo or suddenly realizing that he can button up his pajamas all by himself. Losing Guido felt like a leap to me. A sure sign that he isn't a little boy anymore, but a kid.

Ironically, at this same time, I find myself wishing that Katie would just learn to walk and get it over with. For one thing, she is ruining the knees in her pants and the tops of her socks. Mostly though, I'm ready to be done with crawling. She's been doing it since she was 6 months old and I'm ready for the next milestone.

If only we could pick and choose the things our kids let go of as they were getting older. A great wish, but surely one that would never work. Soon, I'll get over myself and the sweet little boy I wish I could hold onto forever and embrace the awesome kid he is becoming.

A quick related story: Today after lunch the kids and I were dancing in the kitchen when a fun song came on the radio. I put Katie down and went over to scoop Brayden up to dance with him. He said, "I'm too big to hold you me." We'll just see if that's the case the next time he falls down and gets hurt. I'm betting not!

Puzzles

Having two kids.  Wow.  Not what I expected.

My husband came up with the perfect analogy. He said it's like jigsaw puzzles.  Hang in there with me for a minute as I explain.

You can have a jigsaw puzzle with 4 pieces. My son Seth just graduated to 6- and 8-piece puzzles. Then there are 8000 piece puzzles...maybe more. If you've done a 4-piece jigsaw puzzle, you might have a point of reference for doing an 8-piece puzzle..but still, the picture is different. And once you get to bigger puzzles, you probably have a strategy for doing them: straight-edge pieces on the outside first, etc. But again, there are different pictures and sizes and shapes. So you might have a 400 piece puzzle of say, the Statue of Liberty, and you master that. But then you move on to a 1000 piece puzzle of a mountain scene. You are really starting all over; the basics are there, but it's a new picture and therefore a new strategy.

I think raising different kids is like that. We have our general parenting strategies, and things we will try and do the same each time. But, at least with my kids, the pictures are way different.

Seth is almost 4, and is the most easy-going kid I've ever known. As a baby, he went anywhere, slept anywhere, ate anything, loved everyone, hardly ever cried, etc. He would get new teeth overnight and we'd never know. He didn't sit up on his own till he was 10 months...crawled at 12 months...first steps at 15 months. Even then, he pretty much loved to be in his playpen and sitting, doing one thing.  He loved just watching the world go by. He was so relaxed that at his 15 month well-baby check, we found out he had a double ear infection. He didn't complain or pull on his ears. He slept like a dream. He couldn't work many baby toys, but didn't care. He didn't feed himself till he was about 2. He loves to be picked up and carried- still.

Baby Eli, now 9 months, could not be more different.  From the time he was 3 months old, I could tell he was "done" with the baby thing. He had no interest in just sitting, watching the world go by. He hated the swing, stroller, car seat...anything that confined him.  Some of this was due to his tummy issues- it hurt him to be doubled over like that. But he always wanted to be UP. He would play some, but he wanted my full attention. He hates his playpen. He got his first tooth at 3 1/2 months and hasn't stopped complaining about it (he's gotten 6 more since). And now, at 9 months (at which age Seth couldn't even sit up), he has mastered sitting up, crawling, pulling up, walking holding just one adult hand, and taking independent steps. He can also feed himself finger foods very well. He recently scared the daylights out of me by opening a closed box with some parts to his baby monitor in it, putting something in his mouth, and swallowing it- I thought it was a screw. It wasn't, but still. He hates his naps- he'd rather be awake working on his skills.

This will sound ridiculous to you experienced parents out there, but I really thought this would be easier. I had one kid, right? I had him figured out. So adding another...yah, I might have some sleepless nights in the beginning, but then it would be just like Seth. No sweat. No- Eli has been like starting over. Like a completely different jigsaw puzzle.

And I am cautious to not compare them too much. I don't want to say that one of their personalities is "better" or "easier."  I think that in all of us, our strongest traits come out as both good and bad.  Sure, Seth is easy-going, but he is also kinda lazy. He would still let me spoon-feed him if I'd do it. But he can also sit still and be quiet during a wedding, funeral, etc. Eli is driven: he figures things out for himself and is independent (He is a lot like me- sorry, sweet boy. Didn't mean to pass on my strong-willed nature). This is good because he is learning so much and has amazing dexterity and mobility. But he also gets his mind made up about what he wants and you can't argue with him. He is throwing 3-year old scale fits already.

I do joke that they will grow up together. Seth will figure out how to buckle his seat belt about the same time Eli does. They will learn to tie their shoes together. Seth doesn't care to do it- Eli just can't wait to do it. That's true of about everything.

So once again, I thought this would be easier. But I am learning. So I will use all the knowledge that I gained with Seth and try to apply it- to a very different puzzle. And I am glad they aren't exactly alike. What fun would that be? Easier, yes. But no fun.

Katie's Reflux

Katie's story is almost the opposite of Eli's so I thought it would be nice to share that too. Katie is what is known as a happy spitter. She spit up after every feeding, sometimes so much that I couldn't imagine that she had kept anything in. She would spit up any time from right after a feeding up to an hour after her feeding. I believe I first asked about Katie's spit up at her 2 week check up. Her doctor told me that every baby has some form of reflux up until they are 1 year old because their digestive track isn't completely developed. Since Katie was a happy spitter, meaning she showed no discomfort, he recommended that we not medicate as long as she was gaining weight consistently. The medication does not reduce the spitting up, just the pain associated with it.

Brayden was also a spitter, so it was easy for us to know what we needed to be prepared. First, we used cloth diapers to clean the mess up. I always had at least 2 on the arm of the couch where we did our feedings. We also staged them throughout the house having one in at least each room that Katie spent time in. At the first sign of spit up, one of us would yell "Diaper Cloth" and whoever was closest to the cloth in the room would toss it to the person closest to Katie. It was actually kind of fun at times. I also never left without at least 3 changes of clothes for Katie and an extra shirt for myself. There were many times I used all 3 outfits in one outing. One item we had that helped with Brayden was our dogs. When he was a baby we had 2 dogs that lived in the house. As gross as it sounds, they loved to "help" clean up the spit up. I never knew how great it was until we faced the same situation with Katie without the dogs. Our couch and carpets were littered with stains. Let's face it, I had no time to break out the Resolve every time Katie spit up.

I incorrectly assumed that Katie's reflux would get better when she started eating solid food. This was NOT the case. If anything, she was so excited about eating real food that she would overeat and spit up even more. Our carpet was constantly decorated with orange spots since Katie's favorites were carrots and sweet potatoes. I tried everything including a steam cleaner to get the spots up. Eventually they faded with time, thank goodness!

Katie's spit up was less frequent when she began eating finger foods. She began this a bit earlier than most kids, I think because she would watch Stephanie and Brayden eat and wanted to be more like them. By the time she was 7 months old she was almost exclusively self feeding. Her spitting up tapered off and was almost completely gone by the time she was 10 months old.

Since Katie is getting fussy, I really don't have time for a proper conclusion. I hope this gives a glance into the mild side of reflux though. Except for some extra cleaning, it really did not affect our life at all.

Our Reflux Experience- Part 3 (Final)

When I left off, Eli had just started Nexium and we were seeing some good changes. His Sandifer's Syndrome went away, he could play on the floor, he gained control of his head/neck and his muscle issues got resolved. His nighttime sleep started improving: he would sleep about 4-5 hours straight, but then be up and down the rest of the night. For me, this was a huge improvement. But still not good, right?

We saw our GI doc again in April. He upped Eli's Nexium and also recommended we start another drug, called Reglan, to help with gastric emptying, as he felt that Eli's tummy wasn't moving things through fast enough. Reglan has some scary side effects, and I decided not to give it to him. However, he also diagnosed him Milk/Soy Protein Intolerance. We had probably missed this all along because I hadn't been eating dairy- I had gone off of dairy (mostly) when Eli was born because I knew my husband had problems with it as a baby. I will do another post about that, but we had sort of ignored his MSPI issues because his reflux was so bad- I didn't know the two were interrelated. The GI doc had no real advice except to switch him to formula. Anyway, I decided to get serious about the MSPI so we thought we'd go ahead with that- the expensive kind of formula - that didn't have any Milk or Soy.  However, Eli had other plans, and he refused the bottle. So I started researching how to breastfeed with a baby who had MSPI. I finally got some help from this blog, and my friend Hailey, whose baby Knox had it too.

I had no idea how much soy I was ingesting, and also feeding to Eli directly, through Gerber Rice Cereal. The night we stopped the Gerber cereal, Eli slept so much better. He also began to nap better in the day. I was shocked. I went on a strict no dairy/no soy diet. This has been an additional personal struggle for me because I LOVE DAIRY and I love food in general. But seeing the change in Eli made it worth it.

I was now able to go to work one morning a week, thanks to my wonderful friend Ann Marie who watched Eli for the morning. Her baby Hailey had colic, so she was familiar with the challenges and told me she'd hold him all morning if that's what he needed. Thankfully, she didn't have to do that every time because he was getting better, but I was so incredibly grateful to her because I knew I could count on her to love my baby and care for him, even if he was fussy and sick all the time.

We also were able to start putting him in his crib for naps. It was a miracle- one day after he'd been at Ann Marie's all morning, we came home and it was naptime. He was clearly wanting to play, so I put him in his crib and sat down in the rocker. He played and played and then got silent...I looked over and he was ASLEEP! I couldn't believe it. We were able to keep moving forward with him napping in his crib and it was a huge relief to all of us. 

Remember how I said that reflux is back and forth? We often say it's two steps forward, one step back. He was doing better, but then new, strange symptoms started showing up in May/June. For one, he started actually throwing up. Tons. He vomited all over me all the time. And it was hours after he'd eaten. Often times, he'd nurse, be up for 3 hours, take a 45 minute nap, then wake and vomit. So we increased his Nexium again. But as time went on, he got worse and worse again. He couldn't be in a sitting position without vomiting. My mom was watching him during this time and noticed he was regressing. It became more than two steps forward, one step back. It became 2 steps forward, 12 steps back. He was a wreck again, most of the time. At night, he'd sleep maybe 3 hours, then be up all night- crying, fussing, etc- I'd hold him and walk around the room, and he'd pull his knees up and squirm and scream. It seemed like he was in pain again, but maybe a different kind of pain.

I had finally had it with our GI doc. He was helpful in some ways, but because Eli was growing great, I felt like he had brushed us off. I wanted to hear from someone else. I knew there had to be another piece of this puzzle. I called and talked to the nurse, and she actually recommended switching to another doc at Children's Mercy. Her name is Dr. Jennifer McCullough, and she is about my age- she actually has a daughter who is one month younger than Eli. We met with her in August. She recommended a scope for Eli, where they would look at his esophagus, stomach and part of his bowels. She also said he was taking way too much Nexium for her comfort (we later found out that Nexium can actually INHIBIT gastric emptying, which would explain his vomiting and the fact that he was getting worse instead of better), and we had to trust her as she switched him back to Prilosec. We were terrified, and the first weekend we switched was a disaster. But then it got better. Eli had his scope (a test the first doctor should've done a long time ago). The night before his scope, we had to give him an enema. He cried through the whole thing, but then slept better than he ever had before that night. So we knew there were probably some lower GI issues going on as well.  The scope revealed that he had some colon inflammation. Dr. McCullough decided this was possibly due to constipation issues. We started him on some Miralax, and things began to "flow", so to speak. Constipation doesn't mean he doesn't go very much- in fact, he went pretty regularly- but it means the colon doesn't empty completely, and gets irritated and swollen. This seemed right in line with his symptoms. His overnight cramping stopped, and he seemed to finally be comfortable! So...

I appreciate if you've read this far. Basically, I wanted to chronicle what we've gone through and post it so if you're having any similar issues with your baby, you might know where to find help.  Eli has some fairly minor Upper and Lower GI issues, but they completely wrecked our life for awhile.We thought reflux was the only culprit, but had to press on to discover the MSPI and the way his constipation was affecting his colon.

For me, part of this journey has been about remembering that I am Eli's advocate. He can't tell us what's wrong, and he certainly can't call the doctor about it. There were times I felt like the nagging mom who had to call the doctor for the hundredth time. But I knew he was feeling terrible and I wasn't going to just be ok with that. So I pushed. And pushed. And finally got some answers and help. Don't get me wrong- all the doctors we've seen tried to help and agreed there was something wrong that needed fixing. But it took lots of follow-ups and phone calls to figure it out, and I had to be proactive in learning about the issues myself.

So where are we today? Well, Eli's taking Prilosec and Miralax regularly. He's starting to eat solid foods (we met with a dietitian this week to discuss how we'll move forward when I'm done breastfeeding since he can't have whole milk). He is taking 2 naps a day in his crib- usually one short one and one long one. He is sleeping better at night. He isn't in constant pain. You can see on his face that he's finally a happy kid! He's super active and running me ragged! So now it's about managing his medication, being careful about foods, and the every day ups and downs of being a mom to a pre-toddler (oh the teething!). But at least it's not about constant pain and agony for all of us! 

Slow Growing Children

I jokingly call my two younger kids "non-growing" children, but decided that a better title to this post would be slow growing children. With both Brayden and Katie I have been told that they are too little and that testing may be necessary since they are not growing enough. Here is a little bit about each kid:

Brayden- started off huge. He was just shy of 10 pounds when he was born and nursed every 2 hours for about the first 6 months of his life. At each of his check ups he was in the 90th percentile. Then he started eating solid foods earnestly and cut down on his nursing and eventually stopped around one year. He slowly began dropping down in his percentiles until at his two year check up he was in the 5th or lower percentile for his weight and 5 to 10th percentile for his height. I will tell you that he was in the 95th percentile for his head growth. That kid has a big ol' melon. That is when the doctor first talked about testing for causes of his size. I was not really concerned and actually slightly offended that someone thought there was something wrong with my kid. Jake and I are both on the smaller side, so to us it only made sense that Brayden would be small. I am 5'3" and Jake is only 5'7". I quickly got over being offended, but I still wanted to make sure that if we put Brayden through any serious testing that there really be a reason. We agreed with his doctor to keep tracking his growth and set milestones that we wanted him to reach. He slowly but surely put on some weight and some height and I'm happy to say that at his 4 year check up this week he was in the 75th percentile for his weight and 25th percentile for his height(they don't check the head at this age, but its still big!). I will add that I was aware that Brayden had a pretty serious growth spurt over the summer. He began the summer wearing 18 month shorts and 2T tops and now wears 4T tops and 3T pants. He didn't change his eating habits at all, except there were a couple days I remember thinking that he at a lot that day.

Katie-started off small. When I was 36 weeks pregnant, I went in for a sonogram because she had been breach. When they measured her legs and head and whatever else they measure they noticed that she was pretty small for how far along I was. It was a bit of a shock to me since my first two kids had weighed over 9 pounds when born. The doctor was actually going to induce me a week early before we noticed the issue with her size. The process to complete my pregnancy and ensure her health was not too bad. I went in every week for a non-stress test and everything turned out great. I was induced on my due date and Katie was 6 pounds 14 ounces. I loved the experience of having a small baby after the first two! Katie has continued to be small. She was in the 5 to 10th percentile for her first few check ups, but at her 9 month check up she wasn't even on the charts anymore. She weighed only 13 pounds and I honestly can't remember her height. She had gained no weight since her 6 month check up. The doctor said this could be because she had been crawling since she was 6 months old and could also be contributed to nursing less and eating more solid food. We will go in for her 1 year check up in a few weeks, so I will be sure to add an update to this post. Katie is a great eater. She has been self feeding exclusively since she was 7 months old and really loves most foods, especially vegetables. She is proportionate and developmentally right on track. I think I just have small children.

I will be sure to update this subject as each kid grows and gets older. For now, I'm happy with the way things are going with both my "little" kids and our communication with our doctor.

Our Reflux Experience- Part 2

One thing you need to know about reflux is that it's like a lot of ailments, such as allergies or migraine headaches. There is a huge range of what "reflux" means. Someone can say their baby has reflux, and it might mean they spit up a little and need some Zantac, but they eat and sleep great and are mostly fine. Someone else's baby can have it and have to be hospitalized and tube fed. Eli fell somewhere in the middle of these two extremes.  When he was first diagnosed, I was relieved and hopeful. I thought we'd have this minor challenge in our lives for awhile, and then we'd get into a normal baby routine.

So when I left off in my last post, Eli had gotten RSV. We were in the hospital for 6 days with him, and he was very very sick. They had to force me to leave him to go home and shower- I was afraid he would die if I left, and once the nurse threatened to have a doctor admit me because I had fallen down in the night from exhaustion. The previous 6 weeks of no sleep plus now being in the hospital had left me completely beaten. The Zantac wasn't helping much.

When we got home from the hospital, we started a new medication- Prilosec. Like the Zantac, we were told it could take up to two weeks to kick in. This began the worst period of time for us. One of the hard truths about reflux is that the medicine helps, but doesn't cure. You wait weeks for the medicine to kick in, get a little relief, and then as the baby gains weight, the medicine becomes less effective, and you start all over.

Let me say that I know most new mothers are exhausted. I am not saying I had it worse than anyone ever. But I do think most "normal" babies take a break and sleep now and then.  Eli would doze off for 20 minutes or so, tops, and I couldn't rest during that time because of Seth. The nights were really no better. Forget sleep training or a schedule. And his "awake time" offered no breaks- he wouldn't go in a swing, bouncy seat, car seat, on the floor on a blanket- nothing, without screaming. I carried him around, which started to get harder as he gained weight. Thank goodness for my sling, which I did use a lot during that time. And for my husband, who held him whenever he was home. We ate out a lot because I couldn't even put him down to make dinner. I turned over a lot of my work at my job to my friend Megan, because I knew I couldn't leave Eli with anyone. My boss allowed me to keep my job by doing the bare minimum. Friends advised me to "enjoy this time because it goes so fast." While I wanted to enjoy my baby, and I tried to find the joy in my life every single day, I WANTED it to go fast. It didn't. It went slow.

Eli was exhausted and miserable, too, and it was a vicious cycle- getting overtired, crying, passing out once in awhile for a short time, waking up cranky, griping and moaning in pain and crying if I put him down, etc. He also developed what I know now to be called "Sandifer's Syndrome" from the reflux. Refluxing babies often crane their neck away from their stomach to try and get away from the pain.  My sister Katy saw him doing this and started crying. She thought there was something else wrong with him- Sandifer's can be mistaken for seizures. He would arch so forcefully and strain that this left his muscles all out of whack, and his back sort of out of alignment. Our pediatrician gave me some advice on exercises, but said he'd have to have actual physical therapy if it didn't improve. He couldn't work on any of his baby skills, like tummy time, pushing up, sitting, or anything because he was too sick.  Here is a picture of his "normal" posture laying down during this time- back arched and hips twisted. That "I'm miserable" look hardly ever left his face.

All of this from a little reflux? Yes. Every feeding was like putting fire into his belly. Most babies are comforted by milk/formula. I remember with Seth, we called it his "milk coma." He'd eat and just blissfully start to drift off to sleep. It was opposite with Eli. I dreaded feeding him because I knew it would set in motion at least 90 minutes of terrible time for us- that was after the hour-long feeding session. Josh would walk out the door for work and I would bawl for hours. I felt so inadequate as a mother- to both my kids- Seth was largely being ignored as I took care of Eli. It's a huge blessing that Seth is so easily entertained. I would get him started on some activity and he could do that for an hour. That, and the evil television...I let him watch more TV than ever before in his life. So I was plagued with guilt on top of the sleep deprivation, feelings of inadequacy, major anxiety and worry.  Would life always be this terrible?

I still say that part of what was so terrible was the lack of understanding from people.  I swear, most of the time if someone came over- my mom, my sisters, my friends- Eli turned on the charm. He looked healthy (chunky!), and loved to be held- who doesn't love a cuddly baby? Since he was sleeping better, he was a little more content. Another reflux truth: it is very cyclical. So he'd have 2 good days, then 3 bad days, then 3 good days, etc.  Here I was, drowning in my life, but some people caught us on good days and only saw a fairly normal, chunky, sweet baby. I needed people to say, "wow- this sucks. I am so sorry for you." and to cry with me. I wanted validation that what we were going through was abnormally hard. I am not blaming anyone here- just saying that it was also hard that on the surface it looked like things couldn't possibly be that bad for us.

And there was no one to really help Josh and me. People did offer- don't get me wrong- and our church family brought meals, sent emails and texts of support, and visited. My friend Hollie took Seth one day a week in the mornings so he could play with her kids, and Seth went to Parent's Day Out one day a week. But at the end of the day, it was still me, on the front lines, day in and day out, with this mess.  I knew it would get better. I knew this wasn't a terminal disease. I knew so many people had it so much worse. But at the time, I was struggling- majorly.


Once the Prilosec kicked in, he did start to do slightly better- I remember once he took a nap for an hour. I was so excited. But that didn't happen often. I remember telling my friend Megan that Eli had "5 happy minutes" one day.  She laughed. I was serious. That was the best time we'd had with him.

I knew we had to get a handle on our life, as things were really falling apart. We started a process of rocking and holding Eli so he would start taking better naps. This resulted in hours upon hours in the rocking chair every day. It was ridiculous, but we didn't care. The sleep that he got during that time resulted in him not being so much of a mess all the time.  I had to let go of my worries that I was ruining him and his sleep patterns for life. He was still pretty sick, but at least he wasn't sleep-deprived too. He managed to sleep in his bassinet some overnight, so that was good too, but I still had to hold him a lot at night. Josh would get up at 5 AM to take over rocking for me so I could sleep for an hour and then shower. I was now getting about 4-5 hours of sleep per night, in 7 or 8 chunks. So maybe an hour, then 45 minutes, then 30 minutes, then an hour...etc. It felt like torture. Especially when it was time to "get up" for the day and take care of two kids again.
 
 Finally, at one of Eli's well checks, our pediatrician decided it was time for a referral to a specialist. Praise God. I was hoping this would be our answer. We were able to get in fast because of a cancellation. So we took Eli to Children's Mercy for his first of many visits. We were given a prescription for Nexium and sent on our way. Eli was now three months old. About a week after starting the Nexium, he smiled. Actually smiled! At me! And he started PLAYING! Yep, I could put him down and he would play on the floor or on the bed with me. It was amazing. His sleeps was still bad, though.  Another thing about reflux: it's worse when you sleep.  When you're lying down, gravity brings stuff up, and lots of stuff happens to your body when you sleep that causes more pain, such as loosening of the muscles that hold your food in your stomach. So even if he had a happy day, he could still have a horrendous night.

So I think I'll end here for this entry. This was around age 4 months for Eli. On Nexium, becoming happier, sleep improving some but still not in the realm of what I'd call "good." It overwhelms me to think back to this time period. It was terrible. It's hard to say that, because I love Eli so so so much. But I don't think he was having any fun either. He was thinking, "Man, if this is what life is all about, this STINKS!"  For those of you who need to know that there are happier things ahead, here's a picture of him recently...so hang in there for the rest of the story!

Our Reflux Experience- Part 1

I thought it was about time I explain what we've been through with Eli's reflux.  I will do a couple of different posts about this because it is a huge topic.

"Isn't reflux just like baby heartburn?" "Oh yah, my kid spit up tons too." "He'll sleep when he's tired." "He just wants his mommy- he's spoiled."

These are all statements people have said to us that showed that many people do not understand the scope of infant reflux, and the continuation of that, called GERD, which is what Eli has.

I'd never heard of infant reflux before Eli was born. When he was born, he seemed like a "normal" healthy baby, besides some immediate weight loss (13% of his body weight) and mild jaundice.  Both of these things resolved by 1 week.  However, when he was 12 days old, he became a mess. On that day, he woke up at 6 AM, cried and fussed all day, and when I finally called the NurseLine at midnight, he had slept a TOTAL of 45 minutes that day. The Nurseline advised us to bring him in, but we thought we'd wait it out and see our pediatrician the next day.  She immediately ordered a battery of blood tests and other tests. Seeing him lay there on the table and squirm and cry and do what we called "griping" was very concerning to her. Oh- the griping. He was 12 days old and already groaning in pain. So when all the tests came back negative, she decided it must be reflux. Now, to be clear- Eli did NOT spit up much. Instead, we would see him retching, as if to vomit, then swallowing (or choking) stuff back down. Anyway, our pediatrician called this "Silent Reflux" and said that while his weight was good, this kind of reflux can be twice as painful because the acid was burning on the way up AND the way down. She put him on Zantac. We went through an Upper GI test when he was 5 weeks old to rule out other problems. Through this time he was NOT improving.

We were unable to EVER put him down on his back (a complication for sleeping!).  He would cry in pain if we put him down. He would arch his back away from me so hard I could hardly hold him. He would cry and fuss through every feeding- leading to feeding sessions taking over an hour at least. He barely napped- he hardly slept at all, which means neither did I.  He was only comfortable being held in certain positions, and he HAD to be held all the time.

Through this time, once again, I want to say that many people did not understand our problems. People seemed to be wondering what the heck was wrong with US. "Just let him cry"- they would say. Well, the more he cried, the more sick he got, and then the more he cried, and the more sick...you get the picture. We couldn't take Eli anywhere- he was too fussy. We couldn't hang out with friends or do anything. I had no idea how I'd ever go back to work. I couldn't put him down long enough to go to the bathroom- how could I make dinner or go anywhere?

We went back to the pediatrician who gave us a prescription for Prilosec.  Eli was now 6 weeks old, and it had just been a terrible 6 weeks.  We weren't able to show off our wonderful new baby to anyone, and he was a complete wreck. Plus we were having a terrible winter and I was stuck home all day with a mess-of-a-baby and a three-year-old with his own issues. I actually didn't take very many pictures of this time period. It wasn't intentional. I regret it now. But I was so busy caring for him, and I didn't want to remember this miserable time. I didn't want to remember him as just a complete mess who only cried and was never happy. I didn't want HIM to see it later in life because it made me feel like a bad mom.  What kind of mother can't comfort her baby?

And just when it seemed that things couldn't get worse, Eli got RSV and had to be hospitalized. I did a post about that, here it is.  So I'll end this first post here. My next post will pick up after the RSV.

Thoughts on Breastfeeding

It's funny that Shannon and I are both posting so much about breastfeeding right now. I hope if you're not in that stage, or use formula, you'll stick with us through these posts and find helpful info anyway! I wanted to share a few thoughts on breastfeeding.

For those of you who don't know me, you should know I am a person who likes to be prepared. I like a good challenge, but I really like to be informed about what is coming ahead of me. I don't think I run away from difficulty, especially when I know it's the right thing. But I like to know what it is I am getting into.
With breastfeeding, I knew all the info- the amazing benefits for my child, the cost savings, the calorie-burning (amazing!), and the benefits of the bonding time. All experts agree breastfeeding is best, though I do also think formula is better than it's ever been. My son Seth was formula-fed because we adopted him at 9 months, so I defend formula because he is smart, healthy, and we bonded great. But I am getting off track: my point was that I knew 100% that I wanted to breastfeed Eli. So he was born, we started the process, he was a great eater... and it was days before the reality set in.

Breastfeeding is hard. 

Maybe this is obvious to you. To me, it wasn't. I saw all the other moms just sitting peacefully with their babies under their nursing covers, happily feeding away and thought it looked like a piece of cake. Some people have a hard time with the actual mechanisms involved- we didn't. There is help out there for you if you do have issues. One reason it was hard was Eli's reflux because eating was painful for him. He would latch on, start eating, then pull off and arch away and cry. Feedings took hours. We had to work hard through that till his medication worked correctly. So sort of along those lines, the hardest thing for me was the commitment.

With Seth, Josh and I could both take care of him equally.  When it was time to eat, one of us would prepare and heat up his bottle, and Seth would happily suck it down in minutes flat.  No problem.  With breastfeeding, suddenly it's me, my body and my time...EVERY TIME.  And sure, you can pump and leave a bottle, but that still involves you doing something about it.  Someone recently said to me, when I was saying why I couldn't be at a certain event at a certain time, "can't Josh feed him?" Well yes, he can, but unless you want me to start leaking milk in front of you, I'm going to have to go pump at that time anyway. It involves me leaving places early or not going at all; it involves me getting up from the group having fun and going to a private place to feed him (Eli refuses to nurse under a cover- has since day one- and I am not comfortable being uncovered, though some people are).  It involves me scheduling everything in my life around feeding him.

I wish someone would've explained this to me.  It didn't occur to me at all.

Here's my second point though: I'd do it again anyway. 

This does not change my feelings about it. I would still not trade this time I've had with him, and the satisfaction of knowing I've fed him all this time. It hit me when he was about 6 months old: I grew him. I grew him inside of me and then he'd basically only had my milk to eat up to that point. How cool is that? Again, not knocking formula-feeders because I've done that too. It is just cool to me. There are tons of articles out there about the benefits of breastfeeding, so I won't go into all that here, but they are really amazing. There is even new evidence that breastmilk might help cure cancer. Seriously. This article by Betsy Lee is one of my favorites about breastfeeding. So I wish someone had told me it would be hard, but I'd do it anyway.  I just think it would've been better if I'd been prepared. It's a commitment. It's hard. It's time-consuming and life-altering. But I am glad I've done it.  Eli's only 8 months, and with his tummy issues (one of which is Milk/Soy Protein Intolerance), I might be breastfeeding longer than a year- we'll see how it goes. And I also know his tummy issues would've been way worse if he'd been on formula because of this.  So that's another reason I am glad.

I just wish someone would've told me. So I'm telling you. It's hard. Really hard. Hard does not equal wrong. Hard does not equal Don't Do It.  I think a lot of things are hard because they are worth a lot. It's worth it.

Flexible when necessary

Well, this time this week I thought I would be posting my second entry on weaning from breastfeeding. That's not happening! I have found that anytime you think you have a handle on how things are going to happen, life happens. Things were going quite smoothly with dropping our afternoon feeding and substituting whole milk. Monday through Friday it worked great. Katie was a touch more clingy in the afternoons than she had been, but her sleeping was right on track and she was taking the milk just fine without a reaction.

Enter life. Saturday began just like any other Saturday, but ended with an unforeseeable incident that left us leaving our house for the afternoon with little notice. I forgot the milk and decided to nurse Katie after her afternoon nap thinking we would get back on track the next day. Saturday night though she woke with a fever and has been sick for three days now. Though her symptoms were few, loss of appetite was one of the main symptoms. For the first couple days nursing was about the only nourishment she received, so I opted out of weaning. Thankfully this afternoon Katie began returning to her normal happy, fever free self. I was able to successfully substitute her evening nursing session for whole milk.

My plan to get us back on track is to only drop the afternoon nursing for the next two days. If that continues to go well, I will then drop a second feeding. I've now decided to drop her first feeding of the day next. Hopefully by next Monday we can be back on track. I say that thinking back to my quote above, "anytime you think you have a handle on how things are going to happen, life happens." So, for now, I will do the best I can, be happy with where we are, and not be too disappointed if things end up off track.

Gotcha Day

As many of you know, we adopted our first son, Seth, from Colombia, South America when he was 9 months old.  The first day we met him was August 30, 2007.  In our family, we call this his "Gotcha Day." Gotcha Day is a term used by many adoptive families to celebrate the day that the child or children became a part of the family.  Some families simply call this "adoption day" or "family day." We love the term "Gotcha Day"- for us it means "this is the day we finally got you into our arms and we became a family forever." 

Gotcha Day is more significant to me than his birthday (which we celebrate too, of course, and has its own significance) because it meant the end of a long journey for us, and the beginning of another. Our adoption process took nearly three years, which was nearly a year and a half longer than the original expected length. We believed with our whole hearts that God led us to adoption and that Colombia was where our first child would come from- but the journey was longer and harder than we expected. Some days it seemed like there was no end in sight.  But then on August 7, 2007, we got the phone call telling us we had a son! And in Colombia, you travel very quickly to meet and adopt your child, so we were there just three weeks later. 

Meeting Seth, holding him, bringing him home with us, and finally having our baby was something I will never forget.  I will post more info about adoption as time goes on, but I wanted to share with you a few thoughts. First, a lot of things in life require us to wait. I have come to believe that if God leads you to something and then asks you to wait for it, there is a reason. For us, that reason was that God had picked Seth out for our family, but we had to wait to be matched with him as our specific child. In fact, we began the adoption journey years before Seth was even born. Secondly, now that I've also given birth to a biological child, I can say without a doubt there is no difference between loving Seth and loving Eli as my children.  I think all parents would say that you appreciate and like different traits in your different children, but as far as attachment, bonding, feelings of protection, and just general love- there is no difference for me. 

At the moment they handed Seth to me three years ago, he became my son forever- and I believe that it was supposed to be that way. So we are going to go on a picnic today to celebrate Gotcha Day, and remember the amazing miracle that happened to us. I am so grateful and so overwhelmed with the blessing of Seth as my son.  If any of you out there have ever considered adoption, please feel free to message me with thoughts or questions. I am happy to share our journey and help in any way I can. Happy Gotcha Day to my precious baby boy- who is now 3 1/2!  

Stuff We Like: Walking Wings and Video Monitor

Just a quick note to comment on two baby items I am loving right now.  First, we bought Eli these Walking Wings.  They are technically supposed to be for helping a child learn to walk, but I don't think they're actually helping him that much at this stage. However, he only wants to be vertical- he isn't loving the crawling thing and just wants to chase Seth around. So these have helped tremendously. I can support him and help him balance while he runs (yes, runs) after Seth. I used them at the library yesterday, too. 

Also, we bought a video baby monitor awhile ago.  Expensive. But I can say it's been 100% worth it. I love being able to look at Eli in his crib to see if he's just resettling or waking up. I can make sure he hasn't rolled over into the crib slats. I can check on him whenever I want, and as you can see by my picture, it's really clear. I can see him breathing. I love love love this. He is just such a noisy sleeper, I don't have to worry about him now. This would be a great "big" item for a baby registry!

Sacrifice

Today I feel like a failure. I actually had the thought on the way to work this morning that maybe I can't do this. Maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom, trying to work and holding stuff together.

I remember the days of getting up and only being responsible for myself. I took a shower, put on whatever nice business clothes I wanted to, ate what I wanted, left on time...I had it together. Today my morning went like this: up to nurse Eli at 5, back to sleep till 6 when I finally let him get in bed with me to try and keep him asleep till 7:20, up, give Eli medicine, eat (while Josh dresses Eli), nurse Eli (while Josh dresses and feeds Seth), pump because Eli didn't eat enough, get ready (no shower), grab all the stuff Seth needs for preschool and my pump and work stuff, and rush out the door (late). I got Seth to preschool 10 minutes late, which meant I missed the "drop off" time window and had to get out of the car and take him in myself (making me even later to work). After dropping him off, it was the point on my drive when I had the "maybe I am not cut out for this" thought...and it got worse.

When I got to work, I was 10 minutes late for a meeting I scheduled with our 401K plan people. I walked in late and was greeted by the woman I had setup the meeting with, who I'd never met. She was about 23 years old, tall, skinny, blond and dressed perfectly in business clothes- jewelry, nails done, etc. Now, not that I've ever looked like her, but I at least used to be able to try. I came to work today in jean capris, a striped Old Navy shirt and tennis shoes (acceptable attire in my office). This girl looked at me like I was an alien. I don't pretend to know what she was thinking- for all I know, she was wishing she got to wear Nikes to work instead of Manolos. But the voice in my head filled in what I imagined she was saying: "You come to work like THAT? Did you even shower? When was the last time you had a hair cut? Those shoes are from like 1999. I hope I never look that slobbish." I made it through the meeting, and she was very nice. Was she who I wanted to be, or just a person in a much different stage? She stuck in my mind all day.

Some days it really hits me- the large number of small sacrifices we make. They ARE small ones, but there are a lot of them. We sacrifice mostly our comfort: the ability to sleep when we want to; the luxury of taking care of ourselves- haircuts, showers, nails (my latest manicure involved me biting my nails and spitting them out the window when I drove- gross, huh); our free time; time with our spouses and friends; exercise time. A friend recently pointed out to me that while "me time" is important to most of us, there is nothing in the Bible that directs us to pamper ourselves or just "focus on me." If you are a mom, you know all about these small sacrifices, and probably have a list of your own.

So what I kept coming back to with the meeting girl was this: why did she add to my feelings of failure? I felt that way on the drive to work, but being with her really brought me down. I haven't completely found the answer. The obvious pat answer is that I am focusing on the wrong things: my comfort, my clothes, my hair, and that's true. I shouldn't define my success that way. And everyone got where they needed to be today, although we were all a little late. I have a great husband who helps me, and two relatively healthy, happy kids. But that's not what was causing the unrest in my soul.

I just think there's something in me that believes if I was really a good mom I wouldn't struggle with this stuff. I'd have the inborn ability to just forget about my appearance, my image at work, my "success" and sacrifice it all with no thought because of those two sweet faces looking at me every day. I wouldn't care what the meeting girl thought of me. If I was a truly good mom, I wouldn't miss my "freedom" and my "me time." But I do. Sometimes I really do. I am not saying it's right.

And that's where the failure comes in: I want to feel all self-sacrificing every single day, but some days I feel like I am just not good enough to do it. Some day I still wish I could just wake up and take care of myself. Maybe I'm just in a hard place with a three year-old and a high-needs 8 month-old. I don't watch TV, I am on a special diet because of Eli's food intolerances (no ice cream, chocolate, dairy of any kind, baked goods, etc!) and I barely get to sleep. I am not that good at putting my kids first- the kind of good that would forget about all that stuff. I know they're worth it all, and this stage of life is temporary. I know I CAN sacrifice. I just hate that I don't always WANT to. Is this making sense? I want to WANT to. I have the feeling that if I don't WANT to, I am a failure as a mother. Or that I am too selfish for this job. Let me either be the self-centered, "has it all together", professional girl, or the "I love my sweat pants and I can't remember the last time I slept because my baby's up all night but I love it" girl. It's hard to be in-between.

Do you struggle with this? Not just the sacrifices, but the guilt of not being "giving" enough to forget about them? Does anyone really forget, or do we find enough ways to indulge ourselves just enough to survive until one day our kids are grown? I think this struggle goes on and on- even as we learn to be loving, giving, sacrificing and serving. Post your thoughts below- I'd love to hear them!

Eat, awake, sleep

Eat, awake, sleep refers to the pattern I have followed since Katie was a couple weeks old when referring to her daytime routine. It has helped make her day predictable and helped me fit in time to focus on my other kids and have some "me" time. I did NOT come up with this at all. Two books that I used as reference for this pattern are "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I will be happy to share my thoughts on this subject but you can refer to the above books for much more detail and explanation.

Basically it is recommended that you implement this pattern when your baby is one week old. Before then, feed on demand focusing on keeping your baby awake during feedings. This is VERY important. At one week of age, begin by making sure your baby has a full feeding, also very important. If you have trouble keeping your baby awake during the feeding, I found that it helped to change Katie's diaper mid feed. The next step after eating is wake time. This can encompass any number of activities such as: bath time, floor time, tummy time, bouncy seat, swing, really anything. When Katie was young, her wake time was only 45 minutes. This time gradually increased as she got older and is now 2 1/2 hours at 11 months.

The last step in the pattern is sleep. Like Erika mentioned in her post about swaddling, setting a routine to let your baby know that it is time to sleep is very helpful. When Katie was 5 months old and younger our routine consisted of swaddling, picking her up and rocking her side to side to sing a song, and then I would lay her down, say goodnight and leave the room. Now I follow the same pattern minus the swaddling. The next part was hard to begin with and is not really an issue now. Jake and I chose to let Katie cry it out(CIO). In the beginning it was very difficult, but I knew it was best for our family that I teach Katie to sooth herself to sleep. I would cry right along with her most times in the beginning. I questioned our decision many many times. I'm glad I did not give up though. For the most part, Katie wouldn't cry longer than 15 minutes before falling asleep. For a while though, she would wake a few times during her nap and CIO all over again. The key was that I knew when I fed her and when to begin the pattern all over again.

Until 5 months of age, Katie's pattern would restart itself every 3 hours. If she ate at 7, I knew to get her up from her nap at 10. Even if she was sound asleep, I would wake her up to feed her. Then she would have her wake time and then I would lay her down at the appropriate time to finish out the pattern. Soon, she came to expect this pattern and even looked happy when I laid her down for her nap. Being swaddled and in her bed was a happy safe place for her. There are still times that she cries when I lay her down, but I know that if her belly is full and her diaper is clean when I lay her down that I am doing what she needs by letting her blow off some steam before she sleeps. I mentioned above that Katie was in a 3 hour pattern until she was 5 months old. At that time, I transitioned her to a 4 hour pattern and she still follows it now at 11 months.

Final thought. If you are not comfortable with CIO, the baby whisperer book has some great techniques to teach your baby to sooth itself to sleep without using CIO.

Mommy Pride

I am not talking about the good kind of pride we have in our kids. I am talking about the pride that tells us we are somehow better than other parents. You know we all have it. I saw it in so many people before I recognized it in myself. I heard friends, long before I even had kids, verbally bashing other peoples' kids. They would judge all kinds of behaviors: acting out in public, throwing fits, not sleeping good, and, the worst of all parenting "sins"- they'd say a kid was spoiled. I didn't know any better, and I, too, vowed my kids would never be like those kids. And for the most part, with Seth I got very lucky. He was naturally very well-behaved. Quiet, obedient, thoughtful, and just all-around good. We took him everywhere. He even took naps in the pew during church. He was good in restaurants, at friends' houses, in child care situations, everywhere. He still can sit and play with one toy for a very, very long time.But as he grew, sometimes his little personality would start to show up. He started having small meltdowns around 20 or so months. I could usually sternly tell him to get it together, and he would. "What's the matter with these people and the kids I see falling apart at Wal-Mart?" I would think to myself. Come on! All you have to do is keep your kid in check! Easy!

Well, don't worry- I got mine. He was almost two, and we were at Once Upon a Child, shopping for some clothes for him. Apparently at some point he became afraid of the vacuum cleaner, because when they turned it on, he started shrieking and climbing up me.I picked him up and tried to calm him down, but he just lost it. I set him back down and he threw an all-out fit on the floor- kicking, screaming, uncontrollable crying, the works. I tried all my tactics to get him calmed, but it wasn't working. I saw two young, pregnant, "i've got it all together" women staring at me. It took me about 15 minutes to decide to give up and leave. I was horrified. HORRIFIED.I really went into this whole "I'm a terrible mom" depression for the evening. Where did I go wrong? Seth wasn't spoiled, we didn't allow this kind of behavior, and I had read all the right books to figure out how to avoid this. He had many, many, MANY fits after this one. We've figured it out together and generally now he keeps it together (at 3 1/2!), although we still have our moments.

My point? Not just that all kids will have fits (they will). Not just that you shouldn't blame yourself when it happens (you shouldn't). It's this: don't get on your high horse when your kid is able to act a certain way and other kids are different. I do believe we can help our kids learn to control their emotions and that we shouldn't accept these kinds of fits when they happen. But I have adopted a new way of looking at others: I try to look at that poor mom whose kid is melting down and think, "She's doing the best she can." It may not be true- maybe this mom is really lax and just lets her kids get away with murder, and there is certainly no excuse for anything like abusing a child or neglect. But in the most general cases like the public melt-downs I'm talking about, I've decided to just leave it at that. "She's doing the best she can." There is no reason for me to pat myself on the back just because at that moment my kid is behaving better.

I actually just had another example where I really lost my temper with Seth at the gas station. I was on the way to take Eli to Children's Mercy for another GI appointment: Eli was screaming in his car seat and Seth was asking me a million questions. I got out to get gas, and as Seth asks for the millionth time if he can get out of the car, I scream, "No! I told you! And if you ask me again, you're getting a spanking!" It sounded horrible. I was exhausted, stressed to the max with a screaming baby in the car, and just not able to calmly explain anything to him at that moment. Not a good moment, and I think I got a few looks from others around me. But at that moment, I was doing the best I could.

I have more to say on this subject, but I just wanted to pass this on. I hope we can start looking at each other more and saying, "She's doing the best she can."

Weaning from Breastfeeding

Katie turned 11 months old this past weekend, so I am beginning to wean her so that she will finish up with breastfeeding right around her first birthday. I'm not intending to recommend this age to wean, this is just what I did with Brayden and what I am also choosing to do with Katie. In addition to the age, she is also showing signs of disinterest in breastfeeding. This happens especially in public.

This is my process. I chose to drop the feeding after Katie's afternoon nap first. I chose this for two reasons. First, it is a pretty busy time of day around here. Stephanie will just be getting home from school so there will be plenty of activity to distract her. Second, I still cluster her feedings a bit in the evening so her next feeding will be 3 hours from now instead of 4. I always feed her shortly after waking. I usually take her straight from her crib to the loveseat to nurse her. However, just so I know she isn't completely reliant on this occurring I usually choose a random feeding each day to delay the nursing for a bit after waking.

In place of her afternoon nursing session, I gave her a cup with a straw with 4 ounces of whole milk. I sat with her while she drank what she wanted and then put the cup away. I'm leaning towards a cup with a straw in place of a sippy cup for all liquids. I am also teaching her to drink from a regular cup with assistance. I hope this saves me the trouble of breaking her from a sippy cup in the future. I do give her some juice in a sippy cup, but I don't want her to become reliant on it.

On a side note, I know that it is not recommended to give your child milk until they are one. I began two weeks ago giving Katie small drinks of my milk at meals to ensure that she would have no digestive issues. I also know she can tolerate cheese, yogurt and ice cream. I believe it is safe to begin offering milk.

I will continue to replace her afternoon nursing session with milk for the next week. At that point I will choose another session to drop. I haven't thought far enough ahead to know which it will be. Currently she nurses roughly at: 7 Am, 11 Am, 3 PM, 6 PM, and 8 PM. She also usually wakes one or two times overnight.

I should also mention that I have changed her meal times in order to get her ready for a complete wean. Until 2 weeks ago, she had her meal directly following when she nursed. She would then sit with us for supper only. She would play independently during our other meals. A couple weeks ago I began delaying her breakfast and lunch until we were all sitting down to eat these meals. So, Katie would nurse at her regular time but then wait approximately an hour until her meal. Since she is eating what we eat anyway, it made my life much easier.

Last thought for the post. I thought I would mention Katie's nap time for those with younger children. At 11 months, Katie takes two naps. They are each around 1 1/2 hours. Her first nap is from 9:30 to 11 AM. Her second nap is from 1:30 to 3 PM.

What we do when our kids are sick

***Warning, as much as I tried not to, I ended up sounding a little preachy in this post***

A couple days ago I had the kids out running errands and stopped for lunch at an establishment with a play area for children. As we were eating I noticed a kid on the other side of the restaurant that was obviously sick. Green runny nose, hacking cough, the works. When my children had finished eating we went to the play room. They had about 5 minutes of play time when I looked up to see that sick kid and his mom walking through the door. I quickly scooped up the kids and headed out to avoid the germs.

Since our play time was cut short, after we had finished up our other errands I took the kids to the mall to play in the play area there. It was almost the same scenario again with a really sick kid, me scooping, the kids leaving. So then I spent a ridiculous amount of change for the kids to ride one of those motorized machines and we headed out. Maybe I watch for this stuff more because my son is more susceptible to germs after a serious illness as an infant. I didn't notice anyone else scooping their kids up to leave. I would do it again in a heartbeat though.

As an adult, I know that when I am sick I would rather be home than any other place. To get specific, I would like to be home on the couch with a blanket, hot tea, and a chick flick, but that hasn't happened since I had kids. I can't imagine why people think their kids are any different. They need a comfortable environment and they need their mommy.

When one of my kids is sick, everything changes. I don't adhere to most any structural rule that I usually have in place. My oldest daughter told me the other day that the only time she doesn't have to do things for herself is when she is sick. She sounded almost wishful! My goal is to make my kids as comfortable as possible and give them the best environment possible in which to get better quickly. It may mean that I miss a shift at work or I miss church for a Sunday, but if its what is best for my kid it happens. At the very least as a courtesy to others, I will not take my kids to public play dates or play areas so as to keep the germ spreading to a minimum. I just hope most people do the same.

Illnesses- RSV

As I mentioned in my introduction, Eli had RSV when he was 6 weeks old.  I wanted to tell this story because it's really about mother's intuition, even more so than about his illness. But I did want to touch on RSV because it is pretty serious. I had never had a newborn before, but when my older son, Seth, developed a bad cold, I knew it was a good idea to watch Eli for signs of catching it too. Our pediatrician had mentioned that RSV was going around and it could be dangerous for a baby.  Now, at this time, Eli was in the full swing of dealing with his reflux, too, so I had to carry around a terribly fussy baby and care for a sick 3 year-old all at once. No way to keep them completely separate.  I remember that on that Saturday, Eli started coughing. No big deal. By Sunday morning, he seemed really congested, and I just knew something was wrong. So off to Urgent Care we went. The Pediatric Nurse Practitioner we saw treated me just like an overprotective, over-worried, hypochondriac new mother. Of course, while we were there, Eli did his "I'm so charming" act and didn't cough once. She did say he sounded congested, but was about to send us home when I mentioned RSV, so they did a test.  We were actually ready to walk out the door when she peaked her head back in and said, "His RSV test was positive, but he seems ok.  Just go home, give him some chamomile tea (for a 6 week old!), and watch him. If he gets worse, go to the ER." She then sent in another nurse to go over some instructions, and I related my concerns to her- she also sorta blew me off. So we went home. I felt like, "Ok, I need to buck up and just deal with this."  I watched my 6 week-old baby get worse and worse- we put him in the steamy bathroom while the shower ran, we suctioned his nose with a bulb syringe, etc, and I wondered what "if he gets worse" actually meant. So Monday morning, I called our pediatrician. Her nurse didn't blow me off, but I think she failed to realize a key point: for older children (like Seth) and adults, RSV is nothing more than a bad cold. For babies, it can be very serious and lead to pneumonia and other respiratory problems, or, in severe cases, they can stop breathing.  So she told me to "watch him" and call again if he got worse.  Well, he got worse. But again, there is this fear of being just an "overprotective mother", so I kept trying to care for him at home. Monday night he slept very soundly most of the night- I kept checking his breathing and worrying. On Tuesday morning, I laid him down on the changing table to change his diaper, and saw him pulling his chest up really hard to try and breathe. He sounded like his lungs were full of cotton and could barely take a breath. I called the pediatrician again, and they said to bring him right in. We went in, and the nurse, upon seeing him in his carrier, said, "Oh my gosh! He can't breathe! Get him out of there!" They put an oxygen monitor thing on him, and he was under 90% (again, not so terrible for an adult, though concerning- but for an infant, terrible). The doctor rushed in and said he needed a breathing treatment ASAP and if his oxygen didn't come up, she'd have to put him in an ambulance! The word "ambulance" just shook me to the core. How did we go from "he looks ok, give him some tea" to "ambulance" in under 48 hours? We got his oxygen up to 93% and the doctor instructed me to drive straight to the hospital and she was calling to have him admitted. We were in the hospital for 6 days. 6 DAYS!!! I was furious that I didn't push the Urgent Care doctor more to do something- we learned she could have prescribed a nebulizer that would've helped clear his lungs. My pediatrician said she would always admit a 6 week-old with RSV even if he "seemed ok", for observation because they can get bad so fast. In the hospital, Eli had to endure breathing treatments and deep suctioning (they stuck a tube up his nose and down his throat to remove mucus) every 2 hours. This was because infants do not have the ability to expel mucus like older kids and adults. It just sits in there and makes them sicker and sicker. He had two chest x-rays to check for pneumonia. He didn't even turn a corner till day 4. So it was scary and hard and expensive and a very good lesson for me. From then on, I listened to my instincts and tried to not let anyone make me feel like just an overprotective new mom. And who cares if you are, anyway? Just be that, and if you're wrong, you're wrong. But if you're right- at least you know you've taken care of your baby. I shudder when I think of that Monday night when he slept so soundly- I worry he could've stopped breathing at any time. So I vowed to never do that again!

Stuff We Like

I am planning to frequently post info about baby/kids items that we like.  I know it's hard to navigate the world of "junk" that babies and kids can accumulate.  Obviously, everyone is different, but sometimes it helps to hear opinions on some of the options.  Shannon already mentioned Medela pumps and bottles and I agree. But today I wanted to feature swaddlers.  Eli has at times loved/hated being swaddled, but it has always helped him sleep.  He went from "both arms in" to "one arm in" to now, "no arms in", with the swaddler just being used for warmth on his lower body.  I've used two kinds of swaddlers.  One was "The First Years" swaddlers, seen here. Now we are using the Extra Large Kiddopotamus swaddler, like this one. Basically, when it's time to sleep, I take Eli in, get the room ready (turn off lights, turn on his fan, etc), put him in his "swaddles" (as we call it), give him his paci, and then start putting him down. The swaddler is a great signal that it's time to sleep.  He feels safe and snuggled, and warm.  There are a lot of good swaddlers out there. I know a lot of kids fight them, and that's ok.  I still think swaddling's the way to go until they just get out of it all the time.  That's my opinion, of course.

Our Family

I thought I would do an introduction to our family like Shannon did.  I have two children- Seth, age 3 1/2, and Elijah (Eli), age 7 months.  We adopted Seth when he was 9 months old, and he was the easiest baby in the world to care for.  He was ultra-content, slept like an angel, ate good and was just so easy to take places. In general, he is a typical three-year old now, but still super easy and has a great attention span.  This has been a blessing since the birth of Eli, who has been a very difficult baby to care for.  Eli was diagnosed with reflux when he wasn't even 3 weeks old.  He barely ever slept (most newborns are supposed to sleep 18-20 hours a day- we were lucky to get 12 in several 30-45 min chunks), and when he did sleep, it was restless and full of struggling.  He was never content, and just cried or squirmed and moaned when he was awake.  I don't think I put him down during the day longer than to change a diaper, because being flat on his back made it worse.  So we've been through medications, home-remedies, tests, visits to specialists, etc.  Add in a 6-day hospital stay at 6-weeks for RSV, and we're pretty exhausted.  But he is a lot happier now.  I'll go more into the reflux in a different post, but overall, he is doing well now but still has lots of difficulty with sleep.  So if you are an exhausted new mom, I can relate! We love both our boys and are looking forward to the day when Eli grows out of his tummy issues and they are both able to play happily together and we can do fun stuff as a family.  I work part-time (very part-time right now).  So I am trying to figure out the balance of life in general with two kids, and am just starting to grasp that idea! Hope you enjoy our blog and feel like you're not alone out there dealing with little ones!

This is an older post from another blog. I have copied it word for word and pasted it. It was written in late January of 2010. I can't say that everything I typed then still applies now, but I'm being lazy and just pasting it:

Here are some tips and tricks I have learned to make pumping and bottle feeding easier for me.

I began pumping when Katie was 4 or 5 weeks old. By that time she was on a solid 3 hour routine for feedings. She was also beginning to extend her nights. I had read somewhere, and absolutely found it to be true that your body produces more milk in the morning than in the evening. Therefore, in the morning I would feed Katie as normal. Then approximately 1 and 1/2 hours after she began eating, I would pump. I would have enough milk to store at least 4 ounces in the freezer, many times more. It would also not be a problem to feed Katie at the 3 hour mark, there was plenty of time to build my supply back up.

Here are some products related to pumping that I prefer and why:

-Medela Pump in Style pump-even though it is an expensive investment, I have found that it is a very reliable pump. When I had Brayden, I tried pumping with a cheaper electric pump and could never get more than a couple ounces. It is very easy to use and well worth the money in my opinion.

-Medela bottles- a small supply comes with the pump and I borrowed and purchased more to supplement my supply. Katie never had any issues accepting this bottle. It is very convenient because at times I just put the bottles that I have pumped into the fridge for later use. That way I don't have to transfer the milk and risk spilling any.

-Medela quick clean steam bags- I never looked to see if another brand carried these bags. They are fairly inexpensive. When I first began using my pump and bottles for Katie, I would wash and then sanitize the products on the stove for 10 minutes. Not only was it time consuming, but my water tended to leave a film on the products after I sanitized them. I have found that using the microsteam bags is much quicker and I do not have the problem with the film. With a high wattage microwave like mine, it only takes 1 and 1/2 minutes per load to steam.
***side note-Medela bottles are bpa free. Therefore they will take on a slightly cloudy appearance after they have been used and washed a couple times.

Last thought for the post-I have developed a washing/sanitizing system that works well in our home. I wash the bottles and pump parts. After I rinse them, I put them directly into the microsteam bag and steam them. When I remove them from the bag, I then put them on the drying rack on our counter. I usually put them away the following morning after all condensation has evaporated. When I am at work, my husband always knows that anything in the cabinet or on the drying rack is sanitized and ready to use.

Introduction to the Bush family

Since I am going to be a contributor, I thought a short introduction to our family would be in order. I am the mom of 3 kids, all with rapidly approaching birthdays. Stephanie is almost 11 and will be entering the 5th grade. Brayden is almost 4 and Katie is 10 months old. She will be one in late September.

With my first two children, I followed no schedule or routine. My parenting style at that time most closely resembled attachment parenting. By the time Katie joined us, I'd had the opportunity to watch some of my friends use the Babywise routine with much success. I decided to give it a try. In my own way I have used babywise with Katie since she was a couple weeks old. There were hard times, but mostly some really great times where I ended up with an extremely happy baby with a predictable routine. I will be the first to admit I have tweaked the concept to help it better fit my family.

I look forward to sharing our ups and downs and getting support from all my friends!

Welcome

Welcome to this blog! We are a group of people who are seeking to raise our kids well, support each other, and encourage others as we all navigate the craziness of raising kids. Please feel free to search by topics, and look at the labels for different topics to find what you're looking for.  You can comment, but remember, this isn't a place to debate.  We are here to share ideas, but not to start arguments.  We feel that there is enough negativity between moms- let's just all try and build each other up! All comments are reviewed before publishing, so it might take a day or so before your comment shows. Thanks, and we can't wait to hear from you!