Alone?

This past weekend I was having a conversation with a mom who is older than me. Her kids are mostly grown and out of the house. So I'd consider her a "generation" ahead of me.  I was telling her how hard this season of life has been for me, how tired I am, and how it gets very lonely. I said that many of my friends are in the same life stage, and they can't help me much. In addition, many of my family members are in hard life stages too, or just seriously busy with real life things. I was basically complaining that I don't have enough help- not blaming anyone around me- but the reality is just that I feel a lot of weight on my shoulders and feel like there aren't many who can help me.

Her response was surprising, and I don't think I quite agree. She said she had been through the same thing. She said she didn't have any help when she was raising kids, and she lived far from her family. But instead of commiserating with me, she said, "I think that's what every mom has to go through. I think it's just our cross to bear and something we have to deal with."

I didn't know what to say. On one hand, she's right. My kids are my job. I am not looking to pawn that off on someone else. I love taking care of them and spending time with them. But on the other hand- it is really hard. Wrangling a toddler, entertaining a preschooler, cooking, cleaning, organizing, trying to have a real conversation with my husband- not to mention trying to have any kind of outside social contact. Sleep deprived, losing so much weight my skinny jeans now fall off of me, trying to work part-time, filling our days with educational activities and fun...does it have to be so hard?

I got my answer later that day. We returned home from being out of town and had a surprise. My mom had spent 6+ hours at my house while we were gone- cleaning it. She vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed, etc. She had cleaned the filth off my bathroom floor. She organized my kitchen towel drawer.  She even left a crockpot full of vegetable beef stew, so that when we got home with two fussy kids, I wouldn't have to make dinner.

THAT'S what I am talking about. Every now and then, I need someone to pull me out of whatever small pit I am sinking down into. For me, recently it was the crazy mess my house was in. (For those of you who know me, you know I cannot stand clutter and filth- I've had to let go of much of that since having kids, but I still can't stand it). Having a clean house suddenly gave me the energy and enthusiasm for getting up the next day to face my little world. That's the kind of help I need once in awhile.

Some days it just feels hard, some days it really IS hard, and other days it's not so bad. Some people are naturals at this "raising small kids" stuff- I am not. It's hard for me. I tell people who are good at it that it's like if I asked them to suddenly go teach a subject in a high school that they aren't familiar with- like Calculus or French IV. I sometimes feel like I'm in an unfamiliar world with no prior life experience. I need help of all kinds.

So I don't believe we should try and face this life stage alone. I don't believe we should put our heads down and bear our crosses alone. I don't think that's how God intended it. This means three things:

1. We need to ask for help sometimes. Not just hints or complaining. I feel like if I'd asked my mom to clean my house before this, she probably would've said yes.
2. We need to look for ways to rescue each other sometimes. Even with our own full crazy lives, we need to constantly seek ways to help another mom not completely lose it. Even if it's just a phone call or quick text. We need to remind each other that we aren't alone.
3. We need to all look out for each other- maybe we can't be the one to go clean someone else's house, but we need to find those who can do it and ask on behalf of our friends. I am thinking about trying to figure out a way to help connect those who are willing to help with those who need it. I'd love ideas here...

So I think I can say that I totally disagree with what that other person said to me. I don't think we need to just deal with it. I think we need help and need to help each other. I know I'm still going to be the one up with my baby in the night, but a crockpot of soup sure helps me get through that once in awhile.

Your thoughts? post them below...