Question 1: "Why did you guys adopt?"
We've always tried to make it clear that adoption was our choice, but somehow some people missed this message. We did not have infertility. We had begun to talk and pray about starting our family, and at the same time, had some good friends talking to us about their desire to adopt (The Scheerers- who recently brought home two precious kids from Ethiopia). There was an international adoption seminar at our church, so we attended. I was so moved and excited about adoption, and after the seminar, it was all I talked about. We talked about trying to get pregnant, and if that didn't work, we would adopt. But I just kept talking about it, and finally, my husband said, "If we're so excited about adopting, why don't we start with that?" It had never occured to me. It immediately felt right. We prayed about it and made our decision. This leads me to a key point: some people think of adoption as a "second best option." I tell people that adoption might be a second choice in some cases, but it is NEVER a second best way to have a family.
Question 2: "With so many kids 'HERE' needing families, why did you get a 'FOREIGN' baby?"
I have to take several deep breaths after beings asked this question. Mainly because it reeks of misinformation, biases, and a world-view that is skewed. I have been asked this about 100 times, and of those 100, only one person was someone who actually worked for and was passionate about domestic adoption. About 50 of the people were truly curious, and that's great. But the other 49 or so have asked it with a spirit of contempt.
My straight answer is this: Because God told us to. We were clearly led to international adoption, and God opened so many doors along the way that confirmed this was where we were supposed to be.
My long answer is this: well, let me break it down.
First, I'd ask the person questioning this: are you passionate about domestic adoption? If so, I'd love to support you. I believe EVERY child in the world deserves a family, not just children in the US. And not just kids elsewhere. EVERY child. So if you want to adopt a child here, I will be your biggest cheerleader. Please do it.
Secondly, if they aren't interested in adopting, I'd ask why it mattered so much that US kids get adopted first. Does it come from a place of "we need to take care of our own", that so many people feel? Somehow putting "Americans" ahead of the rest of the world, no matter how the others are suffering? My son was born into a kind of poverty that we can't even comprehend. Had he not been adopted, he would've grown up with no education, no prospects of a good career, and no help from his government. He might've sold items on the street, like so many other kids we saw in Bogota. He might've been kidnapped and taken in slavery into a guerilla army, which preys upon children with no parents to protect them. He might've been weilding an oozie by age 7. Or maybe he just would've died from lack of food, healthcare, or water. When I see suffering of this, I can't stand idly by and do nothing. I feel the need to act. I don't care what color or ethnicity.
Thirdly, I'd ask if that person knows the actual statistics of orphans in the world. A common figure used is that there are 143,000,000 orphans in the world. 143 MILLION. In the US, there are approximately 500,000 kids in foster care. Of those 500 THOUSAND, only 118,000 are available for adoption. This means that most of the kids in the system have at least one living guardian who is working to have that child returned to their biological family. In addition to that number, there are about 20,000 babies adopted each year, right from birth, in the US. So you could add that together and say there are about 138,000 kids in the US needing homes. Compare 143 MILLION to 138 THOUSAND. What percent is that? Not 10%, not 1%. It's not even 0.1%. So it isn't like we walked past an orphanage full of crying babies down the street, and instead flew to Colombia to get Seth. These types of places do not exist in the US anymore. But they do in countries like China, Russia, Colombia, Ethiopia, Haiti, etc. Any number of orphans, in my mind, in the world is deeply saddening and disturbing. But if you just look at the numbers, the US is doing a good job of finding homes for kids who need them here. This is not the case in the third-world countries, obviously. There just are not millions of families in those countries willing and able to care for those children. So I ask: if not us, then who will care for them?
Fourthly, I must say, the most disturbing part of that question for me is this: It sometimes comes from someone who is seriously looking for a reason to say that what we did was wrong. Bad. Neglectful. Selfish. Prideful. Something. But mostly, it comes from them working to make themselves feel better. They look at what we and others have done and say, "oh man. maybe I should do something about this huge problem of parentless children in the world. wait. I can't do that. it's too scary...expensive...time-consumming...etc." So they must find an excuse. They have to find a reason that what we did isn't what they are going to do. They know that no one is knocking on their door with an orphan, ready to hand over. So they start to build a case as to why they never have to get out of their comfort zone and take a step forward to adoption. And this is just the beginning of it.
I hope that clears up some questions for you. Again, feel free to comment or message me with questions. More to come...
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